May 21st, 2008 What’s Up???

**Warning** If You don’t want to take part of my sad life right now, don’t read. I might pass the mood. lol

Or should I say, What’s goin down? LOL Coz It’s obviously goin down on everything around me. You see my mom left Monday early morning. I hate it, but I didn’t cry. I guess I’m used to her leaving for work but yet I can’t help but be sad about it.

I have been caught up with what’s happening around me. Or I should say caught up observing, staring and listening.. LMAO. Yeah, my aunt from Tarlac had this accident and she was sent here in Manila and to the hospital. To say that she got here Sunday and my mom is like freaking out coz she’s leaving Monday morning. Well the situation is pretty bad, and since my mom is the only one with a more stable standing, financially speaking, she has no choice but to shoulder it all. poor woman my mom. lol She’s a worried freak and I have to remind her that everything is just goin to be fine.

And now she’s already in Jakarta. and hey surprise, my aunt is still here! duh! lol.. Im just glad that she’s busy attending to my sick aunt and her impending operation. So these past few days have been pretty laid back for me on that matter. When she’s here, we only exchange a few words but knowing her really, she won’t let me get away like this for months.. She’ll rub it in!

moving on.. lol.. If you’re reading my endless and annoying rant bout my life you’ve probably know by now that my sister is a pain. she really is there’s no doubt about it now. Now her problem is like financial and I’m left with nothing but to help her and cover her ass up for a more deadly situation with my mom. gosh, she’s acting like a teenage bratt when reality is she’s damn older than me! And I had to live with that. well I guess It’s my choice too.. what can i say, Im still a sister who cares and sometimes I wonder why I still do after my 21 years of existence… now im broke and disgusted with life. lol I act around her like she’s just a passerby, answer her questions with just yes and no and if that two word wont fit, I don’t say a word at all. I think that’s a safest thing to do right now, coz the last she needed right now is my rage. She’s too vulnerable and a mess and I don’t want to add up even if I’m totally hating her for her actions.

Actually, I don’t speak to them lately. I guess I’m finding my comfort zone in between silence and misery. Awhile ago while having breakfast, I was talking to our maid about stuff round here the house. And like from nowhere I asked how I managed to keep my sanity as it is right now. lol.. its more of a statement than question actually. I may sound over reacting but its really is that bad round here. Or is it just for me? I dont know. But I’m always the absorber. Sometimes I hate myself for caring too much that I forget bout my own damn life.

I know I can get through with this, really, I’m halfway convinced. hahaha… seriously I know I can but the torture while these all are happening is not fun at all. Sometimes I wish this was just a one blow madness and not a tormenting cycle and levels of bullshits. I wonder why this is happening to me, Is there some age limit to misery coz this started hell too early than normal and its also have taken hell lotta years of my life.. LOL

I guess my blog is turning into a hate blog? I hope not. that’s why I havent been blogging coz I have too much hate and distress inside me. But like now, I just need to let it out. Or I will die young. LOL..

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